I'm a jerk....

Ya..I'm really a big jerk...the worst of the kind...in every damn aspects...
What've I done?
Even if I don't wanna take up the responsible because I think that I don't deserve it...
there are no reasons whatsoever for me to let it ended up in such a horrible way like this...
What do I have to lose ?
Even if I have the right to say no...I should have done it in a 'gentlemen way'...
instead of being such a big damn jerk...
I always told myself that I'd rather hurt myself than hurting those whom I loved...
But I've done otherwise...
Another unforgivable mistake that will make me regret for the rest of my life...
but I suppose this is just the beginning...the worst is yet to come...