What IF...?

I've always been wondering about what would have happened if I hadn't chosen the choices I had chose back then...
choices that would affect my life..
choices that defined me as I am here today...
or better yet, what if the choices were never even there for me to chose from at the very 1st place to begin with?
Now I’m not talking about having regrets or
“how I wish I had a time machine or redo button to change things in my past”…
No, not all at all ,that’s not what I’m gonna write right now …
After all ,WHAT’S DONE IS DONE…that’s a fact to begin with…
It’s simply a matter of self-aimed question that I’d love to ask myself so I could again Re-establish (or Re-identify) the connections between ME and the THINGS that make me ME…
Now the THINGS I’m talking about could be ANYTHING…
it could be a person (or persons) that influenced me ..
it could also be an incident (s) or flashback as I’d put it…
it could ,certainly , be a THING as well …something like video games for example…
& of course it could also be many many other Things that I’ve ever come in contact with ,directly or indirectly ….
Now of all the many matters , there’s only ONE question, ONE ‘What if” scenario that I’m very curious to find out about…

“WHAT IF I’ve never ever touch any video games at all in my whole life (up until now)?”

…wait…on second thought, it’d be quite impossible to totally never ever touch any video games at all nowadays … even for non-gamers( farm Ville anyone?)…
Maybe I should change the question to something like this…

“WHAT IF I’ve never ever being exposed with so much video games that I had today & I’ve never really get so ATTRACTED , almost ADDICTED ,or to certain extend , OBSESSED towards video games like I do currently?”

That’s really a good question indeed…
I suppose my life would be TOTALLY different by now
should that “What if Scenario” really happens….

I probably won’t be writing the way I write right now;
(I’ve learn much of my English from the games I’ve played, so as my writing styles…)

I probably won’t be talking the way I talk right now ;
(I suppose the way you write will be more or less influence the way you talk…
least that’s how I talk anyway….)

I probably won’t be acting the way I act right now;
(Acting in the sense that how I socialize with people surround me & how I react with
certain situations, I guess spending Most of my teenage time sitting in front of the TV set
& play games kinda makes me ..slightly different than normal kids when it comes to
socializing….particularly with girls…)

I probably won’t be thinking the way I think right now;
(Again,I suppose an Otaku’s(宅男) mind thinks quite differently than normal kids…)

I probably won’t be taking the course I’m taking now;
(For those who didn’t know , the course I’m taking now is called “Interactive Software Technology” ..hmm? Don’t have any idea what course is that? Many people gave me the huge question mark on their faces whenever I told them my course name…
Very well then ,let me put it in a more simpler way…
it’s about making video games….simple enough?)

I suppose there should be more “I probably won’t….”
but I kinda lazy to think them all out & write them down here…
these few examples are more than enough to show the difference I’ll have if I hadn’t been so passionate about video games…
especially the last one…

Perhaps that’s the only REAL QUESTION I’m trying to ask myself right now…

“PASSION or RESPONSIBILITIES ?”

…

Void

It's been more than 2 months since my last entry...
again,many things happened since then ,but as expected ,
I am not going to recap each & everyone of the past events ,or 'flashback'...
Maybe I will try to job down some of the major events ..in a very brief manner..
or maybe I won't mention any of them at all...
What's done is done after all....something are better left untold...
or for the very least, some quite meaningless only to be told right now.....
I have this bad habit ,that is I tend to drag things to the last possible minute..
that's why you won't see me blog to often , there were times that I really felt like write it all down over here ,but then I never did it because I was too lazy to put them in words...
Now I have this very same feeling again...
I am not really sure what the hell I am going to write in the next paragraph..
there is like so much things that has been trapped inside my mind that I so much wish to share it to people...but then it's really hard to put them down in the right words...
Something's bothering me lately...
I simply just feel bad just about everything...
damn it...this is killing me now...
too much 'negative aura' surrounding my mind now...
All I can say is that I have once again have doubt about MYSELF right now...
& I fear that bad things are going to happen real soon...
I just have this bad bad feelings...
let's hope I was wrong about this...