...only it's not save file from any video game that got 'deleted' ,
it's my real life progression , all 5 years of it...(for the most parts)...
5 years ago it was the beginning of a new phrase of my life story ,
I had to start almost everything from scratch at that time,
as I had basically wasted all the time & money during the entire "extended period of college life" much earlier , with zero progressions being made & got almost nothing out of it at the end...
I'm not going to retell the tales of how much of nothingness I did during those days , my older posts already covered those ,
but 5 years ago , I got a Second Chance to restart everything...
The 1st 2 years of it were the turning points of my life ,
a lot of wonderful and fresh experiences ,emotions & moments happened during that period ...
I felt like I was at the height of my life at that time...
However great things never lasts....
so at some point during the 2nd year ,
I slipped down back into the depths of low points of my life...
I've been staying down here for the next 3 years till now ,
making very little progressions ever since...
With that being said , what little progression I did made over the 5 years ,
were something I was quite proud of ;
it's something that validates my own ways of moving forward ,
it's also the fruit of all my compromises in those 5 years ...
But it's GONE now , all of it...
As of this moment ,
I really feel like nothing I did in these 5 years ever mattered ,
history has managed to somehow repeated itself ,
& I'm being forced back to level ZERO ...
Just as I thought I had made enough progressions and prepared to proceed to next phrase ,
the "snap" happened ,
so yeah ,
another 5 years of my life wasted...
I'm so not looking forward to the 2nd half of this year ,
& the years that follows ..
because I know : Thanos didn't snapped away my progressions ,
I did this to myself
Sunday, June 9, 2019
Saturday, May 4, 2019
Birthday Wish
You know I never thought much about my birthday wish ,
not on any of my past birthdays , as far as I can remember them...
So my friends asked about my birthday wish for this year just hours ago ,
at the celebration they hooked me up (which I'm very glad about it )
....I said nothing...but deep inside my heart , I just wished one thing :
"I wished I could reconnect with her "
It's an impossible wish to ever become true , just like how a little kid wished for a unicorn for their birthday ..only less naive & more stupid...
She finally blocked me again , on my 2nd number ,& made a firm point yet again that she really really wanted to cut all ties with me ...
Not that I'm totally surprised , but still it cause a emotional reaction (the negative kind) quite abit ...
So ya ,to wrap it all up ,I'm happy that my buddies were there for me , but the void deep within my heart is still not mended to this date...not that I have much expectations anyways...
not on any of my past birthdays , as far as I can remember them...
So my friends asked about my birthday wish for this year just hours ago ,
at the celebration they hooked me up (which I'm very glad about it )
....I said nothing...but deep inside my heart , I just wished one thing :
"I wished I could reconnect with her "
It's an impossible wish to ever become true , just like how a little kid wished for a unicorn for their birthday ..only less naive & more stupid...
She finally blocked me again , on my 2nd number ,& made a firm point yet again that she really really wanted to cut all ties with me ...
Not that I'm totally surprised , but still it cause a emotional reaction (the negative kind) quite abit ...
So ya ,to wrap it all up ,I'm happy that my buddies were there for me , but the void deep within my heart is still not mended to this date...not that I have much expectations anyways...
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Recap 2018 : A Year of Let it Be
The title basically sums it all up about 2018 .
I had zero hope nor expectations entering 2018 ,
& the year certainly went by without much happenings ,
...naturally.
Looking back , the way I got through 2018 could certainly be comparable to how I did it back in 2014 , for the most parts ( maybe minus all the fun parts back then )
Working full time throughout the entire year ,
just like how it was in 2014 ,
getting to know new staffs ,
working with familiar faces ,
making familiar jokes ...
In a lot of ways it certainly feels like repeating my 1st year of working at this company ,however there were of course few differences for 2018 version...
The positive parts ? I got paid better than 2014 (as expected...)
The not so positive parts ? Nothing else exciting happened..
I generally had even less social interactions compared to 2014 ,
heck ,it was even lesser than 2017 .
At times I felt like I was pretty isolated from people...
Old bonds felt like they were drifted even farther away then before ,
& I had no luck in starting any new bonds ...
Oh well , let's see how far or where my "let it be" approach will lead me to in 2019 .
I had zero hope nor expectations entering 2018 ,
& the year certainly went by without much happenings ,
...naturally.
Looking back , the way I got through 2018 could certainly be comparable to how I did it back in 2014 , for the most parts ( maybe minus all the fun parts back then )
Working full time throughout the entire year ,
just like how it was in 2014 ,
getting to know new staffs ,
working with familiar faces ,
making familiar jokes ...
In a lot of ways it certainly feels like repeating my 1st year of working at this company ,however there were of course few differences for 2018 version...
The positive parts ? I got paid better than 2014 (as expected...)
The not so positive parts ? Nothing else exciting happened..
I generally had even less social interactions compared to 2014 ,
heck ,it was even lesser than 2017 .
At times I felt like I was pretty isolated from people...
Old bonds felt like they were drifted even farther away then before ,
& I had no luck in starting any new bonds ...
Oh well , let's see how far or where my "let it be" approach will lead me to in 2019 .
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