Save File Deleted , Progress Lost

...only it's not save file from any video game that got 'deleted' ,
it's my real life progression , all 5 years of it...(for the most parts)...

5 years ago it was the beginning of a new phrase of my life story ,
I had to start almost everything from scratch  at that time,
as I had basically wasted all the time & money during the entire "extended period of college life" much earlier , with zero progressions being made & got almost nothing out of it at the end...

I'm not going to retell the tales of how much of nothingness I did during those days , my older posts already covered those ,
but 5 years ago , I got a Second Chance to restart everything...

The 1st 2 years of it were the turning points of my life ,
a lot of wonderful and fresh experiences ,emotions & moments happened during that period ...
I felt like I was at the height of my life at that time...

However great things never lasts....
so at some point during the 2nd year ,
I slipped down back into the  depths of low points of my life...
I've been staying down here for the next 3 years till now ,
making very little progressions ever since...

With that being said , what little progression I did made over the 5 years ,
were something I was quite proud of ;
it's something that validates my own ways of moving forward ,
it's also the fruit of all my compromises in those 5 years ...

But it's GONE now , all of it...

As of this moment ,
I really feel like nothing I did in these 5 years ever mattered ,
history has managed to somehow repeated itself ,
& I'm being forced back to level ZERO ...

Just as I thought I had made enough progressions and prepared to proceed to next phrase ,
the "snap" happened ,
so yeah ,
another 5 years of my life wasted...

I'm so not looking forward to the 2nd half of this year ,
& the years that follows ..

because I know : Thanos didn't snapped away my progressions ,
I did this to myself