2012 - The End has yet to Come

2012 didn't bring the world to its end like many had speculated  ,
but the year itself is about to end pretty soon...

To be frank ,
there weren't much happening throughout this entire year,
so this recap will be quite short & even uninteresting...

There were of course a few happy moments
(& unpleasant ones as well) here & there ,
but in comparison with previous years ,
it'd seems that the year 2012 was pretty...

'Blank' for the most part....

Mainly because I wasn't really doing much in this year .
Progressions on many aspects were slow , stagnant even...

I'm lucky & glad to have people to support me ,
& care about me all these time...

I should probably try harder not to let them down

2013 awaits

MSN Moments

Windows Live Messenger or otherwise known as MSN messenger was announced by Microsoft yesterday to be retired by March of 2013 & all its users are to be switched to Skype .

Upon reading this news , I feel nostalgia & a little bit sad about it...
But the funny part about this is that...
I've actually stopped chatting on MSN since the end of 2010,
& I've even almost forgotten about its existence ,
along with  all the memories that came with it,

....until just few days ago.

So I was checking my e-mails on Hotmail & I suddenly thought of doing some 'house keeping' on my MSN contact list while I was at it...
I've found & deleted a whole lot of 'friends' that were either no longer using that address any more , or those whom I totally didn't know them at all from the beginning  , or even  those whom I couldn't recall who they really are...given their rather anonymous & weird profile names & e-mail addresses...

I even logged on to eBuddy  to clear up the remaining messy contacts & took a glimpse at who's still online on the list...

Well,only two were online at that time... not surprising at all...

I've been using eBuddy (a website based Instant Messenger that allows you to log in &  chat on MSN , if you didn't know about this already) a few times back then on PSP , & then at one point onwards I started using  it to replace the software Windows Live Messenger due to the fact that the interface of the newer version kinda annoyed me  , which also became one of the major reason why the time I spent chatting on MSN was reducing ....

It would seemed that I've gradually shifting towards chatting on Facebook since then , just like many of my friends did  & then  I eventually stopped chatting on MSN via eBuddy as well...

After deleting & sorting out my messy contacts on my MSN/Hotmail account , the nostalgic feelings somehow led  me to dig through my personal archive and searched for the old MSN chat logs which I've kept over the years....

The chat logs contains all conversation records of everyone that I had chatted with from the year 2008 till 2010,which were saved using an add-on I've installed called  Windows Live Messenger Plus .
I couldn't remember why I didn't keep records earlier than that ,
it could either be lost or I didn't saved them down at the 1st place..
But nonetheless , the chat logs from that time period were interesting & nostalgic enough..

I read through some of the conversations I had with a few people ,
& it certainly brought me back a lot of memories from last time...

Some of those conversations were the very 1st conversation I started out with that particular person ,& reading through these remind me of how I started knowing them & also how much we had chatted about ,even to a point that it surprised me regarding the things I had written & the things they have told me ,which I'm shamefully admit now that I've nearly forgotten about most of these conversations..

I suddenly realized that I used to know a lot about them & how close we were , but then I forgot about all of these  & we aren't as close as we used to any more...& some even became total strangers by now ...

Yeah I know this is a natural progression when it comes to socializing , I even told the exact same thing to someone long time ago  , but looking back right now , even though I said it like it was nothing back then , but when the things I've said gradually becoming the reality ,
I couldn't helped but to feel rather...

emotional about it.

AND just one day after all these recalling the past ,
The retirement news of MSN was announced ,
quite a coincidence,eh?

It Ain't Over Yet

Another 3 months has passed,
yet nothing much really changed ...
nor there were much progression going on either...
For many others ,
this period could be the last phrase of one of their many journeys ....
But for me ,
it's not even mid-way from where I stand currently,
even though I've embarked on this journey long before those "many others" ...
With each passing days , my sense of self-worth is gradually diminishing ...
& as such , the distance between me & others are proportionally increasing as well...
But the irony is that I can't stand being totally stay out of any social interactions even though I'm already gotten used to such solitary state...(or I thought I have..)
People are busy ,fine ,
People moved on , good for them ,
I told myself : "There are a lot more of distractions to keep myself occupied"
That wasn't a lie , for the most part , it worked , but unfortunately not for every time...
I'm not as tough as I thought and I certainly didn't expect the negative emotional impacts would be so strong by now...
Indeed It ain't over yet...& it's getting bigger...

Empty Room

On every weekends , my roommate will go back to his hometown
(which takes around an hour or so of driving from here to
his house there , according to him)
So whenever he goes back home , I'll have the room all by myself ...

Although for the past 3 months , my room has accommodated a
3rd 'unofficial roommate', he's my friend actually , from Penang ,
one of my best friends in fact , which is why I've invited & allowed him
to stay in this tiny room with us for the entire period of
his internship at a company at KL here.
So in other words, I'm no longer "Room Alone" with
my best friend around for the past 3 months...

I'm not complaining actually , in fact I enjoyed the time with him around ,after all it is a great joy sharing a room with your best friend ,
even though the room is a little bit too cramped for 3 guys ,
glad it was only for 3 months ,any longer I might've grown
really frustrated about it....

And so 3 months has passed since then & just few days ago he
finally finished his internship & moved back to Penang ,
& with my original roommate also going back after he submitted his final assignment & started his sem break earlier as he didn't have any paper test ,

I'm FINALLY "Room Alone" again =)

I'm actually a guy that prefers solitude,
though I definitely enjoy hanging out with my best friends ,
but if these people are not as closed as my best friends ,
then I'd rather be left alone...
I've been shopping (not really shopping ,more like window shopping ,or loitering ) alone or watching movie alone from time to time
& I enjoy it very much...

And for the record , I've been keeping a safe distance with basically everyone I've met here at KL for the moment I came down here 3 years ago....Even though I did hang out with people I've met here over the years ,& I did indeed have fun with them ,but I have to say it out quite frankly,I was pretty much putting on a 'Mr. Social Mask' most of the time...(ok , it's impossible for me to fake totally 100% of my true self & emotions during all the time I've spent with people around here , perhaps a half-sided ' Mr. Social Mask' would be more appropriate to describe this situation, kinda like showing half of my true self ,hiding the other half )

But that's about my way of socializing ,
I'm talking about being solitary in where I stay or live...
Most people during their times as students live with their family
most of the time if not all the time , & perhaps only when they are studying overseas or away from their hometown , they started to live alone , or with a bunch of friends/total strangers as their housemates/roommates .However , whenever they are back to their hometown ,back to their own house during holidays , they are back to their families again , their home will never be Empty...

Of course I have family waiting for me at my home too ,
just like any other students out there , but with my mom passed away since I was in primary school , & both of my brothers staying & working at Singapore , I'm pretty much left with my dad in Penang since then. However my dad doesn't really spent much of his time being in the house (he doesn't even sleeps at this house sometimes , it's a long story , people who are closed with me knew about this , people that ain't ...well...if I have the time & mood ,I might write it down some day...)

Perhaps this is partly the reason why I prefer solitude ,
because I've been living in a house with no one else around
most of the time since secondary school (It wasn't really a total home alone experience 24/7 , but even when my dad was at home , he gave me quite a lot of freedom , no curfew , no bed time & that sorts of things)

Being alone in a house or in a room is one thing ,but being alone during midnight is a different kind of experience all together .
You see, I have a habit of staying up at late night ,
especially during weekends (if I'm not on holidays) ever since the end of primary school ( but as I'm growing older , even if I have class the next day ,I wouldn't be falling asleep any time earlier than 2am or 3...)

So what I really enjoy the most is the moment I'm being alone in a room during midnight , because midnight is the most silent period of the day (because everyone else are sleeping , obviously) , & it's colder at midnight too . Being alone in the room during day time doesn't feel quite ...'satisfying'... with all the noises going on around & the hot weather ...

So here I am right now , being Alone in an Empty Room at Midnight...

I can feel myself at this very moment...
(If this ever makes sense to anyone)

It's 2012 & it's now...March (already?)

To be precise ,it's now end of March ,

approaching April (again ,already?)

This shall be my very 1st post in the year 2012 ,
I have no idea what to write about....

After signing in to this blog site since last November , I've just recall that my last post "Moments in 2011 - Part 1"
was supposed to have a part 2 as it only covered the 1st half of 2011... After giving myself some thought ,I've decided that I'm going to leave it as it is, NO part 2 ....

...even though the 2nd half of 2011 may certainly be filled with moments of retributions ,remorse , redemption & re- ....
(ok,I've ran out fancy words that starts with re- to insert here ,anyway, that's basically everything...i guess..)

Enough said about 2011, it's past & that's that, end of story...

Now moving on to current date ,which is March 26th of 2012 , which also means Q1 of 2012 has already gone... & it's quite a....not so exciting year..so far.. (well,it's certainly not a bad year , or bad Q1 of 2012 ... I mean, nothing seriously bad happened , just that nothing REALLY interesting happened either thus far ...)
Then again it's only beginning of Q2 at this moment ,so we shall see what happens next...
I got a feeling that anyone who happens to read this post might feel very irritated & annoyed & frustrated by it because the writing is dull ,not informative at all , & even 'emotionless'....(though I doubt that anyone other than the future me will read this blog ....so maybe I shouldn't be worrying much about that...)

More BORING posts next time...