Last moments of 08...

How long have I stopped writing post over here?
Since september...hmm?
...
....
.....
It's so funny...I was supposed to finish this post before the end of 2008,
thus the tittle 'Last moments of 08'..
However,I was only able to write just 2 lines...the 1st 2 sentences just right on top...
then I've stopped writing ever since...until now,which is 16th of January,2009
(Friday by the way..)..
I guess it's 1 of my bad habits after all, I tend to drag everything until the very last moment...
Ok then,what happened then?
The so called 'last moments'...
I felt like I was wasting my time during the last 3 months of 08'....
Well,to be honest,I don't even think I ever fully utilize the time given to me to do a single damn thing that was productive & beneficial to me or to anyone during this whole damn year....
I was as confusing & depressing as ever during this whole period as well...
I choose to run away....again....but to where?Where could I possibly be running to..
so that I could find my inner peace?& also the purpose of my very own existence?
Of course,up until now,I still couldn't find any of these,,,things that I hoped to find...
& still trapped inside my very own miserable world, unable to 'do what must be done'....
unable to trully move on....
Sure,sure,I've helped my primary school to run a small one-day camp ,at least that was something...right....
& don't forget about the even smaller installation night of my tiny little not worth mentioning library....wow...what a great job I've done...
Then before I could realised it,it was the end of 08....
What a year..huh?
Thus,concludes the chapter 'My miserable life of year 2008'.....

Departed

A friend of mine have just left us & went to Russia to further his medical studies today..
He's probably on the plan right now toward Moscow...playing Legend of Zelda(?!)
or watching movies... or probably sleeping....
Met this guy when I was in form 3...he's was sitting right in front of me...
so eventually,we became friends...
I talked almost everything with this guy...well,what we called it..the Guys' topic;p
He is a great gamer himself too...& by far he's my best gaming partner compared to others..
in certain games of course..
He used to be that kind of guy who doesn't really love to sweat himself....
but then 2 years ago..all of the sudden he has started playing basketball...(0.o)
& just within 2 years,such a short amount of time,he has becoming quite a skillful player..
at least he has definitely surpass me;p
Enjoyed my every moment chatting,playing games & basketball with him...
now he's gone...& will only be back once a year,for 6 more years...
I'm started to miss him already XD

September...what's next?

It's already the 9th month of year 2008...
& what've I done so far since I started my study in TARc 3 months ago?
No no...the real question should be...what've I done since the beginning of this year?
9 months has passed...
yet I felt like my life so far has been stucked at a certain place or time or dimension or whatever it is....& now still doesn't seems to be able to free from it any time soon......
I always like to say in my previous posts...
that :'Time sure passed very fast,& many things happened in such a short period of time'
or something like that...
The truth is...there weren't that 'many' things that've happened around me ever since...
Compared to any other people,there are lots of challenges to face from time to time...
& they keep moving on in their life...
but me,instead,encountered just those few 'challenges' from last time & still not able to get out of 'em...
Simply put,I'm still trapped in my past...
& keep on ignoring almost everything that comes at me right now....
I've always said myself as a fool...
in truth,I'm no fool...but just a coward that don't have the balls to face the reality...

2nd chance....am I worth it?

Maybe I was too naive,maybe my thinking were too negative & immature....
I already forgot since when..or perhaps I was always like this...
it's probably in my genes ever since I was born...I just didn't realized it until just recently...
What the hell am I talking about exactly?
You'd probably think that I'm nuts,it's understandable...
even I felt that myself have some really deep shit mental problems....
Who am I?What makes me ME?
What is it that bothers me so damn much?
What makes me stop moving?
For pete's sake,what the hell went wrong with me?!
Recently,it was as if the time were stop flowing around me....
no....the time didn't stop flowing...but it was me that stucked in it all these while...
at times,I felt that I really couldn't take it any more....
there was only so much that I could handle...
Ya..I'm really damn confused about myself right now..
I need to find a way to get out....
get out of these miserable 'life'...
but how?
I don't know...
I don't even know what on Earth am I writing now...

My Gaming Life

It's been quite a long time since I've been so damn obsessed with the video games...
Well,I always have such a great passion towards video games,
(as most guys would,though different people have different taste)
or anything that are related to the gaming world,
whether it's regarding the technology involved,cultural & social effects that it has caused & so on...
So,just like any normal guys,I play video games..quite a lot...last time that is....
I've been playing video games since I was in standard 2 of primary school or so...
Before the PS2 ,there was the Sega Saturn that 1st introduced me into the wonderful & mystical gaming world...
But at that time,I just played whatever games that my bro has bought...
I mean,I didn't really bother about any of the new games available in the market at that time,
I just play what I got in my house...
I still remember some of my favourite games that time,
'Panzer Dragoon','Samurai's Spirit RPG','Megaman X4' & so on....
even now,I still have those game CDs,& though my old machine,
the SegaSaturn(nowadays nobody even know its existence anymore..) has been spoiled since long time ago,but with an emulator installed in my pc,
I still be able to recall back my wonderful childhood memories;p
Then it was when I was in form1,
my big bro bought me a PS2 as a reward for what I've achieved in my UPSR...
With the new PS2,my whole gaming life has been changed & step into another whole new level;p
With all those visually stunning graphics,addictive gameplay & great story telling elements of the new games,I've already fall in love with my PS2 at that time;p
'Onimusha 2:Samurai's Destiny','Metal Gear Solid 2:Sons of Liberty',
& 'Final Fantasy X' were some of the 1st few games that I've played on the PS2...
& these games had certainly got their high places deep inside my heart until now...
Since then,I've been surfing the net for any bits of information I could find about video games,which quite coincidence,I only get my own desktop when I was in form 1...
So that's why I didn't do all these research back then...
& besides from the net,I've been flipping through various game magazines....
without really purchasing any of it at Popular bookstore;p
Back then they didn't wrap the magazines with plastic
(In fact they did,just that the customers teared'em off & read'em for free..)
But now the rules have been enforced it seems...no more free magazines for me;p
That's fine,Online resources is always free anyway;p
The era has come to nex-gen...
What is nex-gen?It stands for next generation,which is referring to gaming world of course..
just like when PS2 came out & replace PS1 & brought the gaming world into another dimension..
(from 2D to 3D)..now it's time for the PS3 to bring new perspective & experiences to the gaming world nowadays...
The PS3 is definitely a masterpiece that I'd certainly consider to own it sometime in the future,
but right now,I'll just have to wait a little while....
Now it's not yet the time...it's all I could say about it right now....
Before that,there's still much more left with my PS2..
It ain't dead yet,not before I play til it becomes rusted;p
There are still some good games coming soon for the PS2,
'Yakuza 2'.& 'Star Wars:The Force Unleashed' are some of this year hits that I'd certainly buy it...in just a few weeks time later...just think of 'em makes me so excited;p

Tropical Fun

I guess any participants who has their own blog,
surely will write something about this tropical fun that I've participated in just yesterday
(most people mostly have updated their blog last night...)
So what was the big deal about this whole tropical fun thing?
What about it anyway?
Well,it was a long story...
Simply put.this tropical fun was 'supposed' to be a trip to the beautiful pantai kerachut...
The main attractions were the beach itself & the trekking process...
Since I've never went there before,so why not?
Oh,by the way,it was organized by rakan muda,
which some of the members are also my librarians,
thus I got to know about this whole thing..
& some more they told me there'll be a lot of pretty girls going too,
so again,why not?;p
(for any female friends who'll be viewing this post,please forgive me...
at least I dare to admit it was one of my reasons to be there;p)
though at the end,I still didn't really do anything,besides admiring...
ok,back to the main point...
I woke up quite early yesterday,at 5.15am...
since my basketball tournament last month,
i've never wake up so damn early already,
some more with only 3 hour & 45 minutes of sleeping hour...
ya,I slept at 12.30am the previous day,
another breakthrough for myself after all these while;p
then I proceeded with showering & had my breakfast,
then I gave morning to my friend who'll be fetching me to the rendezvous point...
Upon arriving the rendezvous location,which is at Belia there,
we met with our librarians friends as well.
At around 8 something,we only started moving,
heading towards our next destination,penang's Taman Negara
(I never knew there was such a place existed until that day) via bus...
Well,it's located slightly above of the end of teluk Bahang,
where I've always turned left & went to Balik Pulau every time I went through there....
The Taman Negara is quite a huge forest,with small hills all around inside ,
which offer great trekking & hiking experiences through the woods,
but people go there mostly is for the beautiful beaches,the Monkey beach,
Muka Head ,Pantai kerachut & various sites as well.....
There are many activities that can be carried out at these sites,
such as camping,fishing,swimming,& I also heard that you can see sea turtle lay eggs there,
but I only heard of it,as we never get the chance to witness it that day,because....
(well,I don't wanna spoil you,so you'll just have to scroll down & read the rest of the story to know why)
Hmm...perhaps next time I shall go there with my friends;p
By the way,our final destination was the Pantai Kerachut...

We arrived there at around 9 am....
Then we gathered at the entrance 1st...while I was checking on my slippers;p



The office of the Taman Negara & the sea view at the entrance there
There are boat services that'll send you directly to those destinations I've mentioned early,
but of course,with a high price;p


Then at at around 9.30am,we starting our journey to Pantai Kerachut...


Still on the way.....



We've came to a rest point...after resting for few minutes,we proceed....

Finally,we've arrived;p

Unfortunately,there weren't any more photos taken for the rest of the journey,
you wanna know why?
I'll tell you why,because it's started to rain as soon as we arrived there!!
The rest of our journey can only be described using one word:TERRIBLE
Basically,all those activities that were in the plan couldn't be carried out at all,
but that didn't mean we did nothing in there,despite the weather is very bad...
Well,most of the people just went to the shore & got themselve wet...
I suppose that was only natural reactions of most people when they saw ocean is right in front of their eyes...
So me & my friends also went near to the shore & let ourselve get hitted by the waves....
Actually in such a bad weather,one shouldn't really get near to the shore as the wave was very very strong,one might get washed away into the ocean if not careful enough...
but luckily nothing bad happened,well,except for someone who get his spectacles washed away....
pity that guy,though I didn't know him at all & it was none of my business anyway...;p
After we felt that we've get ourselve soaked wet enough,we went back to the shelter...
Of course at that time,the rain was still pouring heavily from the sky...
which made us feel more cold than ever....
Only then I've found out that I actually forgot to bring a towel for myself...
though i did bring a spare clothe & pants & of course underwear...but no towel...
so I just let it be...
But the story hasn't reached its climax yet...
We were told that our lunch wouldn't be able to delivered to us cause of the bad weather...
The original plan was they'll send us the food by boat from the other side(the entrance)
but they couldn't & we were starving & tired at the time....
Then around 1pm,since the sky's still raining,
they finally decided that keep on waiting won't solve anything,
so they asked us to walk back to where we came from...
I was like : 'What the %@#$? ,it's raining now,& even if it doesn't,the floor is still wet & it's kinda dangerous walk back there in such conditions as the roads were pretty narrow & very slippery as well..."
But do we have other choices?
So we traveled all the way back to where we came from,only this time,
under EXTREME condition....
I wish there was any photos taken during such extreme occasion,
but who'd have the mood to take photos anyway that time?
I believe most of us were thinking about the same thing,"when will all this over?"
Slippery slopes,muddy roads,nasty......
Luckily I've changed my sport shoe to slippers upon reaching the beach earlier on...
for those who forgot to bring extra slippers,
I could imagine how'd they felt when they get their foot soaked by those muddy roads...
After almost two hours of journey through the 'nasty woods',
we've finally came back to somewhere we were familiar with.....
Most of us had a bath at the washroom at the entrance & changed our clothe so that we won't caught any cold...then we had our lunch..at last....
Then around 4 something,we headed back to Belia via bus again....
It was a 'fun' tropical trip,no,seriously,it was fun cause at least i got the chance to experience something that normally I wouldn't wanna try ,which is trekking under raining...
I never thought of blaming the organiser for this,
just that the weather wasn't on our side,that's all...
Hope that by next time I visit back,it'd be a fair day throughout the whole journey;p
Camping,anyone?

It's a World Record!!

What's a world record?
My sleeping hour that is!!
What about it?What do my sleeping hour have to do with any world record?!
Well,I've slept almost 18 hours in a single day continuously!!
That means 24 hours a day,I've spent 3/4 of it sleeping!!!
What the hell!!!!
I've been get used to sleeping very at late at night(or rather should i said ,very early in the morning as I usually fall asleep at about 2 or 3 a.m )
& what time I'll wake the next day varies & depends,depends on what activities are there waiting for me the next day...if there's nothing to do,usually I'll get up at around 3 or 4pm also....this usually happens during weekends...as I don't have much things to do on weekends..
It's understandable that if I fall asleep very late at night,I'd wake up pretty late as well the next day...late sleep,late up,so I've actually have sufficient amount of sleeping hours so I never have any panda eyes or sort;p
But what happened yesterday was,I slept at 1am,& the by the time I opened my eyes,it was already 6.30pm the next day!!
What the hell went wrong with me?!!
As if my biological clock completely went wrong or sort...
I might as well stayed later on the previous night than sleep earlier in the hope that i might get up earlier the next day....
It's sure hard to breaking my own habit ,eh?

Time to Reorganize

Yeah,it's time to reorganize things around me lately...
My life,my studies,my library.....anything that I held responsible for,I should really start doing something about them rather than just keep on ignoring the problems...
So what are the problems actually?
Poor time management ability(this is really a major issue....),lacks self-discipline,tcareless attitude,really really short attention span(especially on studies) ,unable to concentrate most of the time(also on my studies),laziness(that's the main point,eh?).....& so on & so on....
Typical teenager's problems,eh?(not only teenagers,most people have these kind of problems...)
Every single damn thing I was worrying back then is coming true one by one....
I knew it'd be ended up like this & becoming worse from the very beginning....
I knew it because I know myself too well already...
"Actions must be taken in order to secure a better future"
Ya right.....
For all these while,trash talking & day dreaming were what I've done best...(& still are;p)
I suppose I ain't Superman,couldn't possibly solving all my problems at once in a short period of time...I'm not finding excuse to keep on running away from my responsibilities...
but I just hate to work things out under the word 'pressure'...
But then again,who says life'd be that simple anyway?
1st thing 1st,settle my health problem...
huh?didn't I mention anything about my bad back before?
oh...I didn't...did i?Well,it's just some minor(but very soon enough will becomes major)waist injuries that I think I had it since March....yeah,that was 4 months ago already...
So how do I plan to settle it then?Well,since I try not to waste money in the process,
going to the GH & seek some medical attention there is the best way available for me i guess...
So be it...once I get the time,I shall go to GH these few days...
2nd,my library matters....
Hmm..there'll be another GM this Sunday....
Damn it...why didn't they stated it on the notice board few days ago ler?
That way,I don't need to waste any more money to sms people about this coming meeting....
(I guess lousy leader,lousy members,eh?)
Alright,one by one,I shall reorganize them soon enough & solving the problems before they could cause greater damage to my life later...

I had a dream.....again?

Yeah,I had the similar dream again...just 2 days ago when i was napping in the afternoon....
Just in case you've forgotten which dream I'm referring to.... this dream,was about my ex...
I know,I know,it's a pain in the ass hearing me whining about my own past once again....
but it's not my fault that I'm having such a dream...
I couldn't possibly control which kind of dream I wanna have anyway....
Though this time,the place & time were different than the previous dream...
but the scenario was kinda same,it was about her hugging me & apologizing & sort....
again,in the dream I felt glad but confused at the same time...
then I woke up sooner after that...it was just a short moment...
How weak-minded immature guy I am after all....
How'd I let these kind of emotional stuff distract my studies?
There are tons of assignments & tests coming soon...yet I'm still couldn't settled down...
Well,it was just another bad dream...I suppose in times I should be able to forget about it...
But there's still another thing that will continue haunting me...
another consequence of an unforgivable sin that I've committed just recently....
....I guess it's really hard for me to get over with both 'her' & 'her' in my life,eh?
Who knows?Only time will tell....

被点到

Finally,my 1st ever post written in chinese
(well, actually ,it's still written in english, just the questions are all in chinese....)
Enjoy;p

Ｏ1：這是誰傳的*

Zen…

Ｏ2：怎麼認識的*
1st met her at a camp organized by HYS 2 years ago…she & I were at the same team that time…

Ｏ3：認識多久*
About 2 & a half years…

Ｏ4：對他(她)的印象*
Her ‘trademark’ laughing ;p

Ｏ5：說出他的兩個優點及兩個缺點*
优点- Hmm…I suppose I could say she’s nice in person(who isn’t anyway? ;p),& ar, quite a responsible girl
缺点- Too naïve?(at least from the looks of it…..)
Too vulnerable(makes people around her kinda worries about her…)

Ｏ6：對他說壹句話吧*
Never thought that I’d be in your list to answer these set of ‘interesting’ questions……’thanks a lot’ by the way…

Ｏ7：你的大名*
Just call me Dino will do…

Ｏ8：綽號*
阿祥

Ｏ9：性別*
Male

１o：生日*
5月4日

１1：血型*
I’ve never really had my blood type checked at the 1^st place…or had I? oh well ,then I’m not so sure about my own blood type….

１2：興趣*
Play video games, online, watch movies, play basketball(at last a healthy interest among all the others ;p)

１3：身高*
168cm

１4：體重*
55kg

１5：愛的書*
Comic can ar?

oh wait, there’s one actually….

'Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus'


１6：愛的數字*
0(zero)…..perhaps?

１7：想去的國家*
Japan

１8：現在最想學*　　
Martial Arts

１9：最得意的事*
Whenever I’ve managed to entertain the people around me & made them laugh ;p

２o：最失意的事*
Wrong beginning…& betrayal..

２1：上次被教官抓是因為*
By secondary school discipline teacher when I was in Form 4…over length hair..

２2：讓你臉紅心跳的事*
1^st date….

２3：現在有沒有喜歡的人*
None for the moment…

２4：跟那個人是什麼關係*
Who? I told you I’ve none in my mind now….

２5：你認為你是個專情的人*
I am…

２6：初吻幾歲*
I’m still virgin ;p

２7：地點是哪*
When they’ve succeed in inventing the time machine ,I’ll let you know where’d my 1^st kiss be in the future ;p

２8：感覺如何*
I think it should be very…..well, the hell I know? ;p

２9：對於女生倒追有什麼看法*
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that…

but definitely no playgirl…

as long as the girl’s really in deep love with the guy, who said a girl couldn’t be the one who make the 1^st move? ;p

３o：你認為你是個超愛吃醋的人*
I’ve zero tolerance when it comes to these kind of things…..

３1：喜歡戀愛的*
The so called taste of love ;p

３2：是否有一見鍾情的經驗*
I do…quite a few times actually ;p

３3：曾經為情人做過最瘋狂的事*

Never had the chance to try that…. just yet..

３4：單獨和暗戀的人出去會緊張*
It’s only human nature…..

３5：談過一次最久的戀愛*

(exactly) 1 month….

３6：有沒有跟人表白過,幾次,成功幾次*
3 times in total，1st time was negative….2^nd time ,positive (I did it only after she gave me quite an obvious hint at the the 1^st place)…the 3^rd time…I wouldn’t really call it a confession of love to her….well ,it ended badly anyway ,why bother so much…

３7：現在最想要的東西*
Redemption…

３8：如果看著最愛的人熟睡在自己面前，你會對他做什麼*
Make sure I won’t lose control of myself ;p

３9：最喜歡自己的哪裡*
My hair ;p

４o：不喜歡自己的哪裡*
My hair ( sometimes) & my belly ( I want ‘six pack’ !!!)

４1：你覺得哪個月份最適合當交往的紀念日，為何*
December, perhaps? Well, it’s a holiday month after all ;p ( at least it used to be the holiday month for me….)

４2：聖誕節該在什麼地方過才經典*
Anywhere…as long as I’m with the people I care about…

４3：討厭怎樣分手的理由*
’My parents forbid it’…

４4：告白成功機率最大的是什麼辦法*
A Friend of mine once told me, as a guy, if you dare enough, anything’s possible….but I never totally believe that….Well, frankly speaking, I’d rather the girl I like confess to me 1^st ( or rather give me a hint that she likes me, then only I’d confess to her)….

４5：喜歡一個人如何讓他注意你*
Just be your normal self…then the rest… who knows? ;p

４6：過去有沒有發生什麼事讓你感動*
Quite a lot…

４7：你認為有意義的一句話或一件事*
Compliment from my ‘Sis’

48：討厭女生的Type*
Play dumb, act innocent ,playgirl, have no respect for men..

４9：討厭男生的Type*
Those who always try to show off, bullies….

５o：最有效的減肥方法*
exercises + healthy diet ;p (bullshit…)

５1：有幻想被異性壓在牆上過嗎*
Get pressed on the wall? Well, never thought of that one, but if it’s on the bed…

Hehe ;p

５2：你覺得楊丞琳，蔡依林，王心凌，林志玲，誰最正*
I hate them all…..

５3：滿意現在的交往對象嗎*
Wait till I’ve found a new ‘her’ then only I tell you ;p

５4：看到路上的帥哥美女會怎樣*
For the guys : admiration (for their hairstyle)..& jealousy…

For the girls : ‘wild’ imaginations in mind ;p

５5：你覺得哪個男明星最Ｍan*
Takashi Kaneshiro（金城武）… ;p

５6：喜歡吃哪種蛋糕*
cheese/chocolate

５7：睡覺是不是側睡*
Sometimes..

５8：喜歡的卡通人物*
Char from Mobile Suit Gundam

５9：喜歡的茶類*
The kind that not so bitter ;p

６o：你想跟一個你喜歡，但他對你沒有Feel的人在一起？*
If the person I like doesn’t like me as well, I won’t stay on her way to her own happiness….

６1：你覺得鑽石戴在哪最性感１；脖子２；手3；腳*
The neck probably?...

６2：你希望另一半的身高*
Surely, shorter than I lah ;p

６3：家人和情人掉入海中，你會*
Family

６4：你覺得最適合約會的地方*
Beach ;p

６5：你常穿哪種鞋*
Slippers ;p

６6：你比較喜歡柯賜海還許純美*
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

６7：如果讓你選你要當蠟筆小新的媽媽還是花媽*
花妈？？

68:你觉得现在的你~幸福吗？为何？*
I’ve everything I could ask for，I shouldn’t be complaining so much….

69:如果你生日~你最想收到什么礼物呢？*
I don’t quite care about the present itself…as long as there’s still people remember my birthday, a simple sms wishing is fair enough…of course I’d always looking forward to surprise ;p

70:下辈子想当什么? ( 动物也可以 ) 理由?*
Maybe a girl ;p

71:问个简单问题好了,你的偶像是??*
HIDEO KOJIMA(Game Director/Producer) &

BRUCE LEE(Do I need to introduce him anymore?;p)

72.如果你的情人对你漫不理睬的时候，你会怎样？*
There isn’t much I can do about that should that happens…

73.喜欢东方神起吗？最喜欢哪只？*
Couldn’t say I hate them...but just not really give a damn about them…;p

74.当你喜欢一个人，比那个人喜欢你更多的时候，应该怎么做？*
I think as a guy, this is the way it should be, always love her more then she love you…so no need to change that…

75.你最憧憬的婚礼是？*
Not so sure about that…never thought of it…just yet..

76.会背着你认识其他女生（包括暧昧）的男朋友好吗？为什么？*
Who wants to be with a jerk anyway? But the truth is, many guys are like this, & their girl friends are either too stupid to notice that or just pretending nothing happen & still be with these kind of guys….

77.你会坚持没有结果的爱情吗？？为什么？？*
I’d give up sooner or later….just like what I’ve gave up several times before…

78.一个有洁癖的男/女生和一个邋遢的男/女生，你会选哪一个？为什么？*
Huh?.....

....The Q & A ends here....

New life begins

2 weeks has passed since I've 1st stepped into TARc...
I'm beginning to get used to this new environment,& adapt to the so called college life as I move on.
The orientation week was fun,all those new friends i met were very nice & friendly
(& pretty as well;p)
Just as I expected,the college study environment's pretty much like attending tuition...
everyone's free to wear whatever they want (of course there's a dress code to follow,but who cares anyway;p),& not to mention the freedom to have any hairstyle you desired...(which is part of the reason I'd choose entering college rather than proceed with form 6 at the 1st place;p)
Well,well,2 more years to go,let see how will I get through all those difficulties I might encounter in time to come...
But something about myself & my surrounding just doesn't change....
Well,to begin with,my library's affair has always been a challenge to me,
currently I'm busy with the coming inter SWC basketball tournament on this Sunday,
6 more days to go,but there's still quite a lot of things I haven't settled...
hopefully the whole event'd run smoothly on that day...
After Basketball,there'll be the Installation Night,another big function that'd make my mind went nuts later on;p
....something in this world just doesn't change...eh?
or rather,should I said,it's actually part of myself that still doesn't change...
that's why problems keep on happening around me....
Am I still chained by my own past...even after all this while?
& when I'm already troubled by my own past,new troubles arise..
this time,a terrible mistake that I don't think I'll ever forget about it for the rest of my life...
now I say what also is meaningless already...
I'm still a fool after all.....

End of the 'holiday'

1 more week left....
It's been more than half a year since this long holidays started...
Many things has happened since then....time sure passed very, very fast,eh?
That's why we are always reminded to appreciate each & every moment we had...
I tried to...but still,i felt like i've missed out a lot of things back then....
During all these while,one of my friend called it the gap months,which means the period between the end of secondary school life till the beginning of tertiary education level,in my case,college life;p
I've been through quite a lot of things.....
I've gained some working experiences from my last 2 jobs,which were being a part time promoter for Ambrosseti in Sunshine Farlim before Chinese New Year,& the most recent one,as a part-timer in a Popular's book fair at 1-Stop.....
Aside from gaining some field experiences from that,I've also made some new friends...
but sadly,I've never really keep in touch with most of them since the last day at workplace........
Oh well,maybe faith will reunites once us again in the future...only time will tell;p
While reading back all my previous posts will makes me laugh at myself on how immature I was back then (& still am actually....),it does help me to move on,as a reminder of my mistakes,so that I'll try not to let the history repeats itself in the future....
That's why I'll keep on blogging....
I need to be constantly reminded of how foolish i was & only then I'm able to move on...
That's me.....that's how I lived & will continue to do so for the rest of my life...
Till next time then,folks,be sure to tune in for more Flashback moments with me;p

A Great Birthday Party

Come to think of it,I've never really held any birthday party of my own all these years,
well,put aside those parties my parents did for me when i was still 5 years old....
it was a long long time ago already....
I usually just spent my birthday with my friends past few years...just went out for some movies,then dine together....it's as simple as that....
well,this year is also quite the same....I wouldn't call it a former birthday party...
but at least there was big birthday cake this time...& there are more people celebrating my birthday compared to last time...I'm glad....thank you all,my friends;p
Ironically,the last birthday sms sent to me,just as the clock almost hit 12 o'clock,was from her...
hmm,...I've to admit I'm surprised..still,I'm kinda glad....i supposed i should be glad that she'd still send me a birthday wishing....
Well,that's how I've spent my birthday this year;p

I had a dream

Just 2 days ago i participated in a 1 day camp organized by PCGHS buddhist society,right at the 'land of the forbidden' itself;p
Well,the most funny part was,only 8 guys in total were there ,surrounded by a bunch of school girls in the camp;p
It was fun,i mean the programme itself,& it was much more better than last year's camp,I had a great time there,I'm really glad i was invited,as I'm already a graduated student myself,I've never thought that I could still be able to attending such function.....
Well,luckily i've cut my hair 2 weeks ago,or else the moment i stepped inside this forbidden land,I'd sure get 'busted'........
I guess next year i won't get such golden ticket again,oh well,I've to admit that my secondary school life has already comes to an end since long time ago....
time to move on to the next phrase of my life,college life;p
Still 3 more weeks to go....kinda excited about it....
Actually there was another incident that I'd like to share it with you all here,
while I was wondering around in the land of the forbidden,trying to find a male toilet;p,
I bumped into with her......not really bumped into,
as I saw her from quite a distance,but I'm sure she also saw me at that time....
I bet she'd be very surprised to see me in a place that she'd never thought I'd be there...;p
Afterall,it's the land of the forbidden i'm talking about,folks,it's not that you'll be seeing your average joe walking around in this land everyday,not to mention if that guy is your ex whom you've dumped & ........well,i'd rather not to mention anymore of the past......
This was the 2nd time I met her since we broke up....the previous time was at my working place just few weeks ago....she gave me the same reaction ,ignored about my presence & avoided eyes contact with me...as if I'm a stranger to her.....that's fine with me if she reacts that way.....
Oh well,what else can I hoped for?I was a fool back then....
Right now I don't really give a damn about her anymore....
though she's still with my best friend currently...it's none of my concern also....
But I had a dream last night..ironically,it was about she apologizing to me & holding me hand,& at that very moment in my dream,i was very excited & glad,& i was like forgive & forget about everything she has done.....& trying to get back with her......
then i woke up in my bed,realizing that it was just a dream...
why'd I had such feelings in my dream?why'd i even had such a dream at the 1st place?
it's so strange....I guess it's just a dream....need not me to worried to much by it....

I'm back......

Recently,1 of my friend asked me:'why didn't u update your blog 1?'
I said,'mine 1 is update monthly 1;p'
then she replied,'you might as well don't blogging at all....'
hey,who says blogging must be update frequently?
But she got her point,i've indeed very long time didn't update my blog,
almost 2 months to be exact;p
Now there was another friend of mine asked me the very same thing again,
...i guess i've no choice but to start posting again ,not to let any of my faithful blog readers down,eh?;p (or rather,I'd be killed by them otherwise;p)
Time sure passed very fast,now it's already mid-april,many things happened since my last post,
I just couldn't find the right time & right mood to write it all down in here....
(another lame excuse of being lazy about updating my own blog;p)
Well then,I'll just have to summarize some of the important details of my life during the last 2 months..
1st of all,My SPM results ain't really good,just as expected,
& of course I wouldn't wana tell anyone anymor about how bad it was.....
& i've decided to further my studies in TARc ,taking a course that is completely new to me,IT....
I see it as a better alternative for myself,hopefully I'm making the right choice....
I guess only time will tell,let's just wait & see....
After choosing my future path...I was back to my otaku living style again,
sitting infront of my pc most of the time,the remaining time i spent it in my library....
Oh ya,never really mentioned anything about my library to you all,eh?
Well,I've joined a library near my house since last year,
the library is actually located right above of the pasar of rifle range,which is inside the balai raya building....it's a huge building at my neighbourhood,mention about the pasar of padang tembak & you shall find it easily......but sadly,no one ever noticed there's a library upstair.....T_T
So very few people'd come up to my library nowadays....as compared to last time...
even the member of our board of librarian also left just a few person only after our AGM last month...
& ironically,I'm now the president of this library...;p
So since then,I was alwasy busy with my library's affair......
I'm not complaining about it,in fact I'm kinda enjoy the challenge that I'm about to face;p
Then I started my 2nd part time job at 1stop's popular..
you may ask me,isn't 1stop's outlet has been closed quite a long time ago already?
Yup,you are right about it,but the every year they'll still use the very same place to held their book fairs....& i was hired for this fair...
3 weeks working at popular,it was a new experiences to me,
I'm glad I worked at there,as I've again knew some new friends,
some more an indian friend,my 1st ever non-chinese friend;p
This guy is cool,very humor & nice as well,can't wait to hang out with him sometimes;p
& I've picked some cheap books & stationeries,by cheap i mean it's very worth it,
I was buying at a price that any normal customer won't be able to get,
i called it the insider's discount;p
It's been 4 days since i stopped my 2nd job,I was again back to my old self once more,
being an otaku at night,& being a library's president during the days....
just like those super hereos, eh?;p
There'll be more to come,I assure you,but right now,
i guess it's time for me put an end on this long awaited post,till next time;p

The time has come

Somehow,I suddenly felt a new hope emerging from nowhere in front of me...
or rather,some sort of force is coming out from my inner soul.....
XD
Ok,enough of the nonsense,I meant to say that I suddenly became kinda motivated recently;p
I've yet to decide the course that I'd like to take in college,even though I've chosen the college i'd like to stay,which is TARc,the most economic choice available for me.....
it's kinda ironic,why'd I choose to study at college later & not proceed with A-levels in form 6,when I don't even sure what the damn course I really interested in....
Maybe I just don't like form 6,if really so,I must quickly make up my mind on the course that I'd wana study ASAP....as the SPM result will be released soon.....
Decisions,decisions......

Rewind:'Being a Part timer'

I felt that there's a need for me to rewind back to the chapter where i've missed out in my blog here,it's just another boring chapter though, just as any of you that've been reading my blog up until now would have expected....
....or it's just me ,me ,me & me all along that even bother to read my own posts here all these time...
anyway,it's good enough for me,cause at least I can treat these posts as a reminder for myself when i read'em in the future...
Ok,now get to the main point...
My time in Sunshine...can considered kinda satisfy...i mean,in terms of salary & working environment...
There ain't any bigger 'pictures' for me in there,in fact,after working in there,
I have come to realised that,I must let go certain things when it's time for me to do so,
as keep on doing the same thing ain't gonna change anything or make myself felt any better,
instead I'd be more suffered if i choose to carry on....
I was a fool back then....actually,I'm stil a fool right now...but something gonna change...
I must make certain decisive moves,for the sake of myself....
I only can say that,when it comes to emotional stuff,I really can't handle it properly,
so the best way to settled it is to keep myself away from the 'source'......
At times,I really wish that i could cry out loudly....
but at the same time,i must let it all go & focus on my own future...
What exactly are the challenges that awaits me up ahead?
I wonders...but I've no choice but to face'em...for the sake of myself...
It's just me,me,me & me at the end.......

End of a Chapter

The Chapter:' Being a Part timer' of my life had finally comes to an end...
Well,I couldn't even manage to elaborate anything about this damn chapter & it had already comes to an end;p
Simply put,as I've mentioned in my previous post,
I've been working as a part time promoter at some hypermarket near my house,
well,the name is Sunshine Farlim ,
but luckily I don't have to standing right under the Sun while working;p(sweat)
Anyway,today's finally the last day i worked in there,
as tomorrow I'll be leaving penang & heading for Singapore with my family....
Well,another trip,I hope this one will be better than last one;p
...suddenly no mood to finish writing....well,i guess that's all for today,
expect more from my next post;p

A New Crisis?!

Well,I could've posted this since last week,but I just couldn't find the right words & the right mood to ever finish writing it...
To be honest,there ain't exactly any new crisis happening ,the crisis is there all the time,just that I've been ignorant about it.....
I always thought that I could handle each & every challenges as I predicted before hand,
but then again,when the problem really happens,I still felt so helpless at times......
Mind versus Heart,eh?
There was once a friend of mine said that I'm such a flimsy person...
Indeed I am.....& I'm also kinda low esteem,lack courages & confidence in every way....
Well,the major problem of myself is,
I'm such an ignorant person.....
I knew my own weaknesses very well than anyone else do,
& yet all I did is complaining about how unfair is my own life,
while didn't even put any efforts at all to ever trying to change & improving my own self...
& some of my friends are already starting to tired of my sad stories....
Every time it was like,I knew it was coming,but I just couldn't find a way to prevent it,
then at the end,it really ended badly as I've predicted....
So what?As if I won't get the blames after I say such things to the other.....
Even if I really didn't get any blames at all from the others,I'd still be blaming myself for all those mistakes...
I really couldn't act like everything will be just fine & proceed calmly as everyone else does....
They say I'm worrying too much,but than again,ain't all those great leaders always predicts the worse before ever start doing anything?
They call that forecast,& by doing that,they can at least make some preparations to prevent anything that shouldn't be happening from truly happening......
...New crisis,eh?
There are more to come in front of me ,I wonders if I could really handle them all?
Only time will tell.......

Road to A Better Life?

Finally,some changes in my life...
I've finally found a job for myself,ever since I've started this blog,
I've been dying for a job to keep me occupied & earn some cash at the same time;p
But lady luck weren't at my side until now,as I've been applied quite a few numbers of jobs already since then,but none have any response....
Thanks to her,now I'm able to work as a part time promoter,though the paid is not as high as I'd hoped for,but I shouldn't really be complaining much actually,as it's quite a good job for me...
Well,the job itself isn't that difficult to handle,as I've quite some experience from my past employment as part time promoter...
The working environment?Quite good actually,the food here are cheap enough,
& my house is just a few minutes trip from here,so I can even ride back home to have my meals during break time...
As for the people around here...hmm,though today is just the 2nd day I've worked here,
but there are already some people that I found kinda annoyed & made me frustrated...
Well,there's a guy,who happens to be my co-worker,I don't quite like him...
I thought I could give myself a chance to meet up with some new friends,
but he's sure not the type of person I'd choose to have as a friend....
Luckily the other co-worker,who happens to be a friend of her,is quite a pretty young lady as well,& sweet;p
Though her 1st impression to me was she doesn't look too friendly,but once she start talking,
I have 2nd thoughts about her already;p
& then there's another guy,who works at another brand just beside me one,he's quite nice,compared to my co-worker.....
Hmm,I'm looking forward to know more about both of my new friends here...
(Well,not including the guy that I dislike;p)
But one thing bothers me,my working shift....
Besides weekends when I'll be working full shift & have the time to interact with her,
while on weekdays,since that guy is still studying form 5,
so he'll only be able come to work on evening shift,
which means,unless I work on full shift,or else I won't be able to meet her at all & force to stuck with that form 5 guy the rest of the time,as she'll most probably works on noon shift & will leave at 7,which is the time I start working......
So it's either me left already ,then she only come,or vise versa....
So unfair if like this.....as she's actually my motivation to keep on working;p
As for the girl next door who recommend me this job at the 1st place,
well,she works at the opposite counter where I'm placed,
so I rarely get the chance to interact with her as well...
But then again,there are also plenty other more pretty young girls work here,
maybe I shouldn't really be focus on tiny thing,i got to try to look at the bigger 'picture';p
Oh well,hopefully at the time I finally leave this job,I'd have plenty of 'new hope',eh?
Hey,don't take me wrongly,as i'm just trying to make some new friends,though it'd be best if it's from the opposite gender;p

An Interesting Live Show

They said life's just like a stage play,or rather,a live drama;p
The past 3 months of my life can really considered the most interesting moments of my life up until now,I've witnessed the climax of this particular chapter of the play & having quite some difficult time accepting it.....
I thought such plot lines would only appear in novels & movies,& will never ever happen
in my life....but i guess i was wrong,i was too naive to think so.....
Simply put,my ex left me last time & begin an affair with my best friend,who happens to had a girl friend at that very moment,& I knew it all the time,but choose not to interupt or try to stop it from happening,as I thought that it is already none of my business.....
I protected my best friend,I hid the truth away from his girl friend,& believe that he'd quit from keep on fooling around with my ex & finally get back to his girl friend...
I have faith in him,that I told myself he's just hanging around with my ex,& the blame souldn't be on him,it should be on my ex,who tempted him at the 1st place,should anything really serious happens later......
But I guess I was wrong again....
He & his girl friend finally break....well,not because she found out about the affair,but their feelings towards each other were actually fading lately,due to the fact that they both rarely meet each other anymore lately....
But my best friend then decided to tell her the truth when they break...
the result?well,as expected,his girl friend completely went crazy,
I felt bad for his girl friend as me too,also done something bad to her as I decided not to tell her the truth from the very begining.....
Then again,despite such scenario happened,I still believe in him....
But what really dissapointed me is the fact that he really having an affair with my ex ,not just fooling around only....
& he even accused me of being too close with his girl friend & caused him to start an affair with my ex....
How can he treat me like this?despite everything that I've done for him....
so many years of friendship....I'm really dissapointing on him...
What a live show I've just witnessed....

New Year,New Begining.

The year of 2008 has arrived ,07' is the past by now....
Oh well,time to move on i guess,but i wonders what will be waiting for me in this year of the Rat?
I'm no fortune tellers and also don't plan to seek one to find out about my own future,
as I believe I'm the one who will be creating my own future,controlling my own life & fate myself,not by anyone else or anything else.....
though there are sure some variables affecting our life all the time,
but that isn't going to stop me from achieving whatever goal I had in my mind,
just another detour,that's all......
Detour,huh?........
Maybe i shouldn't be thinking so much.......
Just let it be natural i guess......
& in the mean while,work,work,& work;p
That should be my 1st priority for now....
Arh,so excited,I bet this year is sure more interesting than last year;p